Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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