Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
