Umm I'm too high to move.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
