You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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