My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
