This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
