I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
