Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
