Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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