i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to cum in my sink.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
