so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
