You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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