He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
