So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
