Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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