There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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