You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just high enough for therapy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
