don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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