As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
