Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His hands were made for my vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
