tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
