There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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