If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You need a sexual gate keeper
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
