I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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