your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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