from now on my penis is your penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
