If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
