dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
smell my finger.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
