Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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