the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
