I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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