The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
