i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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