Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
