actually, I'm a sock model
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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