now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
