You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
