I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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