No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
