Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
