I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
