I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
