I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
