Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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