Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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