You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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