we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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