Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
