One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
