so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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