I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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