his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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