For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
