I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
