Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
