They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
