there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
