Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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