Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
