Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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