I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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