I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
