and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
