the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
