My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
