Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
