if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize