i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had to cum in my sink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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