why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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