They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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