Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
