rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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