shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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