yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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