what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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