U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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