Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
