She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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