i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
